Collecting stories

A close friend of mine is beautifully pregnant with only about 5 short weeks to go before becoming an awesome momma. With all the baby present buying, placing bets on whether it's going to be a boy or girl, and talk of baby names (and trying to make her feel guilty that she's not letting me in on the secret of the names they've picked out - I'm so incredibly curious!), I have babies on the brain. Personally, I don't want them. I don't see myself as a mom, I don't see myself taking on the massive task of raising kiddos, and I absolutely don't see myself walking around with a gigantic belly (although, I had this weird dream once...). Somehow my biological clock isn't ticking. At all! Every once in a while it bothers me a little. Sometimes it feels like everyone around me is either getting pregnant or talking about wanting to get pregnant and I feel like the odd one out. Why am I different? Why don't I feel the same way? But once those little moments are over, I mostly feel pretty happy with not wanting kids. I get to spend my life however I want. I get to spend all of my money on myself and don't have to spend a boatload of cash on a tiny person who depends on me. My boobs get to stay pretty and not used to feed someone (too much info? I'm sorry, it just makes me happy!). I also don't have to worry about finding the right guy in time. And if there happens to come a time when my uterus is starting to make deafening clock-like sounds after all, I'm okay with having kids a little later in life. I always used to think I'd better change my mind pretty quickly, because I didn't want to be old like my parents. They had their first child (me!) at 31. Which, of course, isn't that old at all! But I was young and annoying and I felt like my parents were ancient. My mom told me once that when she used to pick me up from school, some of the other moms thought she was there for her grandchild. So I felt I needed to have kids before I was 30 or not have them at all. Since then, however, I've come to appreciate my parents for being a little older (nowadays, 31 isn't old at all, but in those days most people started having babies in their twenties). I always like to listen to their stories of times from before I was born. Things they've experienced. People they've known. Heartaches they've been through. Happinesses they've enjoyed. Places they've travelled to. They had time to collect those stories before I (and a little later, my brother) came into their lives. I haven't collected nearly enough stories yet! There is still extremely much I want to see and do in my life. In the first place, obviously, for myself. But if I ever decide I do want children after all, I like the idea of being a little older and having a beautiful collection of stories to tell (and if I never change my mind, which I'm starting to suspect, I'll just annoy all of my friends' kids with my stories!).

Just to be sure:

Of course this little story isn't meant to offend anyone who decided to have kids a little younger than what I'm talking about here. I think you're awesome! And beautiful! And you rock! Perhaps I'm a little late in life with collecting my stories and you've already collected some great stories to tell (I'm jealous!). Perhaps you didn't want to be seen as a grandmother when picking up your kids from school. Anyway, this is just how I feel about my own life and it doesn't reflect one tiny bit how I feel about anyone elses choices and paths in life.

I want to live here!

Trelawney Farm found via Going Home to Roost

I want to live here!

I don't really know where 'here' is, but this farm looks so darn beautiful,

cute and serene that I don't care where it is, I want to live in it anyway.

I want to sit out on that porch, I want to soak in that tub, and I want to read all of those books!

I think I'm in love...

On a perfectly lazy sunday afternoon

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 -6 - 7 - 8 - 9

Some things I've pinned on Pinterest. Looks like I'm madly in love with all shades of blue lately.



I'm having the most perfect lazy Sunday! I decided to take one day off from things that I have to do (such as looking for a job!). Tomorrow I will start bright and early and work my ass off (I work on Saturdays, so my 'weekends' are on Sundays and Mondays, which is when I try to do things like look for a job).

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PS: That Human Rights Tattoo project I wrote about the other day? Yesterday, fully ready to get my tattoo, I went... I basically got laughed at for showing up so late... I left. Bummer! Turns out you had to get there really early (like, extremely early, before-it-even-started early, which I hadn't understood from the website), so I got dinner instead of a tattoo. They did tell me that there might be another tattoo-day in a month in Amsterdam, so maybe I'll get my tattoo then (although I'm not looking forward to having to take the whole day off from work so I can be there ridiciously early and wait all day, so... we'll see).

PPS: In exactly one month from today, I'll be turning 28. Yikes, 30 is getting so close! I'm thinking about some things I want to add to my so-called bucketlist (I really don't like the word bucketlist!), since I decided to do that for every birthday.

Human Rights Tattoo

Have you ever heard of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights? It's a Declaration that contains 30 Human Rights. I first read it during college and I kind of fell in love. I'm a fan! Can you be a fan of a piece of text? No? Well, I don't care, I just am! I think my favourite articles are numbers 1 and 3 (and can't seem to pick just one, it's a tie, I love both):

Article 1.

"All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood."

Article 3.

"Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person."

Yesterday I heard about a pretty awesome project that is going on: Human Rights Tattoo. It's an art project to create awareness about Human Rights. The goal is "[...] to tattoo the complete text of the Declaration on individuals, letter by letter. The complete text of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights contains 6773 letters. Each person gets one character. This means that in the end, there is a group of 6773 people from all around the world walking together with the complete text of the Declaration of Human Rights." Isn't it cool?

"Having a letter of the Human Rights Declaration means you are reminded of yours and everybody else’s rights. It is a way of putting your signature under the Declaration of Human Rights only this time a piece of the document is signed on you. You will carry it with you. For the rest of your life."

It could be a great way to remind yourself every day that life is actually pretty darn beautiful. You are free! Free to do and be whatever you want to be. Free to marry whomever you want or to not marry at all. Free to have whatever religion you like (or don't have one at all). Free to live where you want. Free to have and express whatever opinions you may have. Unfortunately, way too many people are not free and even their most basic Human Rights are constantly being violated. To be reminded about this every once in a while might help you see just how amazing your life actually is and that you shouldn't complain so much about all of the little things you think are wrong with it.

It just so happens that letters are being tattooed on people in my city this Saturday. I'm thinking I might get me one of those letters! Perhaps... maybe...

Silver Linings Playbook

I've been meaning to go see the movie Silver Linings Playbook for a while now. I really loved the trailer, so I was excited to go see it on the big screen. Just by myself on a lazy Sunday afternoon. The thing is, I seriously need to save some money. And what is it with the prices of movie tickets these days! It's insane! I remember back in the day when you payed about half of what you have to pay now. Yes, I realise that makes me sound like I'm about 83 years old, but I don't care. It's too expensive and we should start a revolution! Anyway... so I ended up downloading it. Yes, I'm a little bit ashamed of myself. I'm also I little bit less poor, so I can live with it. Besides, I got to watch it in my pyjamas, what's better than that! Okay, sure, I probably also could have watched it in my pyjamas in the movie theatre, but I don't like it when people look at me funny.

But enough about me, let's talk about the movie. I liked it! It's just such a cute, funny little movie. It's about two people who might not be in their best mental states at the moment, but they are trying to make their lives work anyway. They are trying to be their best selves, accept who they are and look for a silver lining. Actually, I think just about every character in the movie had a bit of a nutty fruitcake side to them. And I loved that! I mean, aren't we all at the very least a tiny bit crazy deep down?

Rooftop snowattack

The view from my bedroom window onto my tiny balcony a week ago.

I'm a mailman (well, ehm, mailwoman actually, but that sounds kind of weird... either way, I deliver mail for a living), in case you didn't know. I went to law school and this is how I make my money, what can I tell you, it's a bad economy! Anyway, when I was working earlier today and was standing at someones front door about to put their mail into the mailbox, a big (gigantic! huge!) pile of cold icy snow slid of the roof and landed right on top of me! Cold. So, so cold! First, I just stood there, pretty much in shock of what the hell just happened. Then, it took me a good 10 minutes to get all of the icy chunks of snow off my face, out of my hair and off my coat. I got back to business, but I decided right then that I was going to spend the rest of the afternoon (at least one good thing about my job: I'm home pretty early most days - of course I start working at the crack of dawn, but hey, let's just ignore that for a minute, shall we?) looking for a new job. You know, one where I'm not running the risk of being attacked by icy snow! And one where I don't have to wear leggings under my pants to keep my butt from freezing off. I don't think I'm asking for very much here! I'm not sure I believe in such things, but it's almost like the universe is asking me (not very subtly I might add) what the heck I'm still doing at this job! Well, alright universe, I'm looking for a new job (and drinking a nice cup of hot tea) as we speak. Now promise me you're not going to dump any more snow on top of my head! Better yet, please just make the snow go away and let it be spring.

Ordinary is pointless

A little while ago, a friend came over for dinner. Knowing we share a similar deeply passionate love for all things chocolate, I bought fancy (way to pricey) little chocolate-soufflés for dessert. Delicious, I tell you! The packaging was totally cute too and it had this fun text on it (what it was doing on the packaging of a dessert, I'm not quite sure, but I don't really care) that I just wanted to share:

"Pleasure is everything

Give in to happiness

Reject propriety; embrace variety

Prudence is sooo 1658

Life is fleeting; clasp it hard with both hands

Seek delight

Trust your impulses

Ordinary is pointless

Break free"

PS: In case you haven't noticed yet, over the past couple of weeks I've updated most of my pages (I'm mostly still working on the 'Traveling'-page). So take a peek if you want. Or not, see if I care!

Changes

Just a random photo of my boots in the big pile of snow that fell over here a couple of days ago.

I don't handle change very well. I've been trying to work on it and I think I'm getting better at it. But still, my gut instinct is to run and hide and close my eyes and hope everything has stayed the same once I open them again. So the past year hasn't been the very best for me. A lot of change, I tell you! I left my boyfriend of 9 years. I moved to a different city. I moved again (across the street, to my very own awesome little apartment, whereas before I shared my kitchen with a horribly annoying - or annoyingly horrible, that works too - girl, so it was a very good change, but a change nonetheless). And somewhere in between all that I worked somewhere else for a couple of months (I'm back at my same old crappy job... a new job, now that would be a great change I'm more than happy to see happen!). Big changes. Big decisions. Now, more than a year later, I like to think I've adjusted to the changes pretty well. But yes, that's how long it takes me! Even good changes, or sometimes even extremely small changes, I hate. I'll warm up to them, sometimes even love them, and then I'll be okay. It all just takes me a little longer than I guess it does for most people.

Anyway, I'm happy with how my life is at the moment (for the most part, not so much the crappy-job-part). But another change is coming! A very close friend of mine is pregnant, the first of my friends. I'm going to be an aunt! Sort of. Let me first and foremost say, I'm so incredibly happy for her! I know this is what she wants and I know without a shadow of a doubt that she will be the best mom ever. She is awesome and I love her. Alright, having said that, personally, I don't care too much for children. I don't want them myself and in all honestly I can't completely understand why anyone would want them, ever (yes, big statement, I know, and I don't mean to offend anyone, it's just how I feel). Again, I'm very happy for this awesome friend of mine. It's going to be a gigantic change in her life, but since she a little (okay, probably a lot) better at dealing with change, I know she's going to do great. I just can't help but wonder, what kind of change it would bring to my life (because yes, it's all about me, duh). Especially when in the (near? Please let it be not too near!) future more friends will be dropping babies into this world. Most likely I will see a little less of them. Understandably so, they will be busy, I get that and that's more than okay. But when I do see them, will the kids always be there? And even when they're not, will they be the only thing we talk about? Will we even still have things in common (me without kids and all)? I'm pretty sure things will work out alright and I'm just stressing over nothing. It's just another change I'll need to adjust to. As usual, all I need is a little time, but I'll get there... eventually... hopefully. It doesn't help that it doesn't feel completely real yet. I mean, the last time I saw her, she just kind of looked (in the absolute most beautiful way) like she may have eaten a bit too much over Christmas and not really pregnant yet. Her belly wasn't even as big as mine (no, I'm not pregnant, I just need to loose a little bit of weight)! Hm, maybe I need to bring her some brownies, and cookies, and chocolate...

I hope that, in writing this post (which is really just a big random dump of words coming out of my big weird brain), I haven't offended any pregnant ladies, people who want kids, moms, babies, people who've gained weight during Christmas, and basically people in general.