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| Just a random photo of my boots in the big pile of snow that fell over here a couple of days ago. |
I don't handle change very well. I've been trying to work on it and I think I'm getting better at it. But still, my gut instinct is to run and hide and close my eyes and hope everything has stayed the same once I open them again. So the past year hasn't been the very best for me. A lot of change, I tell you! I left my boyfriend of 9 years. I moved to a different city. I moved again (across the street, to my very own awesome little apartment, whereas before I shared my kitchen with a horribly annoying - or annoyingly horrible, that works too - girl, so it was a very good change, but a change nonetheless). And somewhere in between all that I worked somewhere else for a couple of months (I'm back at my same old crappy job... a new job, now that would be a great change I'm more than happy to see happen!). Big changes. Big decisions. Now, more than a year later, I like to think I've adjusted to the changes pretty well. But yes, that's how long it takes me! Even good changes, or sometimes even extremely small changes, I hate. I'll warm up to them, sometimes even love them, and then I'll be okay. It all just takes me a little longer than I guess it does for most people.
Anyway, I'm happy with how my life is at the moment (for the most part, not so much the crappy-job-part). But another change is coming! A very close friend of mine is pregnant, the first of my friends. I'm going to be an aunt! Sort of. Let me first and foremost say, I'm so incredibly happy for her! I know this is what she wants and I know without a shadow of a doubt that she will be the best mom ever. She is awesome and I love her. Alright, having said that, personally, I don't care too much for children. I don't want them myself and in all honestly I can't completely understand why anyone would want them, ever (yes, big statement, I know, and I don't mean to offend anyone, it's just how I feel). Again, I'm very happy for this awesome friend of mine. It's going to be a gigantic change in her life, but since she a little (okay, probably a lot) better at dealing with change, I know she's going to do great. I just can't help but wonder, what kind of change it would bring to my life (because yes, it's all about me, duh). Especially when in the (near? Please let it be not too near!) future more friends will be dropping babies into this world. Most likely I will see a little less of them. Understandably so, they will be busy, I get that and that's more than okay. But when I do see them, will the kids always be there? And even when they're not, will they be the only thing we talk about? Will we even still have things in common (me without kids and all)? I'm pretty sure things will work out alright and I'm just stressing over nothing. It's just another change I'll need to adjust to. As usual, all I need is a little time, but I'll get there... eventually... hopefully. It doesn't help that it doesn't feel completely real yet. I mean, the last time I saw her, she just kind of looked (in the absolute most beautiful way) like she may have eaten a bit too much over Christmas and not really pregnant yet. Her belly wasn't even as big as mine (no, I'm not pregnant, I just need to loose a little bit of weight)! Hm, maybe I need to bring her some brownies, and cookies, and chocolate...
I hope that, in writing this post (which is really just a big random dump of words coming out of my big weird brain), I haven't offended any pregnant ladies, people who want kids, moms, babies, people who've gained weight during Christmas, and basically people in general.
